i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
