it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
