It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
