are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
