My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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