he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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