So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
