if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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