Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
