I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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