You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
