you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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