I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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