as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
