at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
