dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
only if we run a train.
done.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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