Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
