so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
