Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
