You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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