I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize
