um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
