My hand turned me down
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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