Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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