Rock
Scissors
Fuck
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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