when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
