very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
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