FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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