then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
