You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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