i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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