How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
