i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
