Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize