thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Randomize