I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
