I would go down on you faster than GM stock
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
