How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
