i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
