the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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