sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
