I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
There r osticjed everywhere
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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