Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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