I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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