On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
