Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
