he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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