I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
