You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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