I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
