i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
