And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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