I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
