Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
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I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
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I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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