I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
