And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I think my moral compass just broke
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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