i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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