dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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