Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
