a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I have demons in me.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i will never coherently bang her
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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