just survived the first fart of the relationship.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
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