This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize
