The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
i believe in u and ur pee
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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