Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
