So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Randomize
