OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
