So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
