Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
