yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
