I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
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do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
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So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
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