i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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