As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I am midnight drunk by noon
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During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
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Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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