We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
