didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
