i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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